July 24, 2012

#LearningToLove - Do we know?

Barry likes it when I text message him these emoticons, he's sweet that way.  Because of being in and out of penitentiaries most of his adult life, Barry is having a difficult time adapting to the outside life. He is very outwardly sensitive, for most men,  this must be difficult for him. Hating to admit it,  sometimes this personality can be wearisome. His self-esteem is quite low,  many times I need to praise him,  he's not accustomed to this type of attention.

The sheriff is possibly testing us, such as seeing how our behaviour will suffice in handling living as struggling , drug and alcohol free,  farmers.  Agreeing and confiding with Barry that this maybe so, he agreed since he knows the Sheriff better than anyone.  By taking Barry`s  transportation and withholding his pay is such an example.

Knowing I love Barry is obvious, although, unsure of either one of us know what  real love is. He has told me about all of his past life,  including life in prison. Including things that Micheal never openly disclosed to me,  hearing it out loud was heartbreaking, regarding the weaker men in who are  institutionalized. A suggestion I'm going to make is that maybe purchasing his own vehicle is an option, this could be a way of making him feel worthwhile as deserved.

Since unable to attend AS meetings,  remembering on a daily basis what I learned helps, Step Twelve and the messages the newcomers gave, reminders of where we came from.

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