June 16, 2012


It can be surprisingly scary and exhilarating how one can trust another, in such a short time. One woman that I've became friends with, Yvonne, thinks giving yourself completely to a man can be danger for a broken heart. She said if your too open, sexually, to a man he will kick a woman to the curb when he tires of her, I beg to differ.

To often, what Yvonne was saying, was the other way around. Being afraid to get too close, I was the one breaking a man's heart. Hurting Berry would be wrong, anyways, I've fallen for him. This frightens me, waiting for the bomb to drop, ending up hurt.

When Berry looks at me, its obvious, that he's falling in love with me. He's not crazy jealous, this is so refreshing. Being as big as he is, built like a football player, yet sweet. In the past, whenever a man would express these same feeling, the first reaction would be to  run with my tail between my legs.

The feeling for Berry is so different, confusing, feeling this way for another is so new. In 1999 when first dating Adel, nerves and excitement before getting together were quite strong.  Yet when Berry and I go out, it just feels nice.

At the age of forty-five, never married and childless, the idea that Berry may be wanting these things now was obvious. Last night that thought was confirmed, he wants children. As for having another child at age forty, I'm not quite sure. A few occasions, mentioning to friends that having a little girl has crossed my mind, most discourage it, say that forty is too old.

As for love, it is promising, I feel safe with Berry. Right now life here in Alabama has been, at times, emotionally difficult. Because we are taking it slow, men see me as being vulnerable. Wishing they would just leave it alone and having to go into bitch mode, it's tiresome.

Sunday, Berry and I are going to church, on his hometown, Gordo, then over to the Mississippi River. Meeting people he grew up with is nerve racking. I'm different from most here, with the unique, eccentric style and then the New York accent. People immediately take a second look when I speak. Most have said my way of speaking is different then those on television, that my way of speaking is a little slower.  After listening to how actors talk on television, it appears they are correct. 

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