February 21, 2012

#MakesMeSMH - How can somebody screw up your head?

Of all the people that has come in and out of my life, whether it was with a loving relationship, friendship or employer, nobody has ever screwed up my head the way my last employer did.  Sure there have been jobs that did not work out for one reason or another, yet, never did any boss do the things this one did to their employees.  It's as if Dick broke something inside me and I can't seem to figure out how to fix it.

Sometimes I have nightmares about working back at FT, a couple of those times they were nightmares that Dick was coming after me, no kidding.  The last time awoken by such a nightmare was one about Dick standing in the doorway of my kitchen, angry and demanding that this blog be taken down.  I was sitting on the floor trying to scoot away on my bottom and was screaming, woke myself up.  The neighbor's in the adjacent apartment were talking loudly in tones that let me know they probably heard me.  The walls in the apartment here very thin, you can hear just about everything that goes on, a conversations, the television playing or somebody taking a shower in the adjacent apartment's bathroom right next to my bedroom.  After one of those nightmares and waking up screaming, knowing that my neighbors have heard me, is so embarrassing when that happens.  Nightmares like this hasn't happened since I was a little kid, sometimes I wonder if it could be post traumatic stress syndrome (PTSD).  While still working at FT, many days after they took me off the front desk I would come home and just cry for hours.  After they moved me to the other office it turned into crying and throwing up, wondering what was going on.

The nightmares started after the first week at the new location, one example is, sometimes the receptionist would march down the isle were I was doing the data entry, he would stop, stand in front of me and just get this weird, confused angry look on his face.  There are a few other things that happened at that place, nobody would believe me anyways, I don't know if to believe myself come to think of it now.  If a person who appears and feels perfectly sane knows talking about something sounds outlandish, does that make it a delusion or is it real?  When smelling the marijuana in the office, watching employees pass it around to make the entire office smell like marijuana and even seeing the partially smoked clip with my own eyes.  It sounds totally insane but when I told other employees about it they believed me, even this one woman at the knitting circle I went to believed me.  The woman at the knitting circle said that she worked at the mental health unit at Albany Medical Center and had helped patience get jobs at FT.  The only one that tried making me sound mentally unstable about the situation was Dick.

Post a Comment

My Blog List