January 26, 2012

#struggling with #hate, #anger, #love and #remorse

Me being rapacious
Yesterday when the date for the unemployment hearing came in the post mail listing the parties from FT who are to appear at the hearing, I knew that a subpoena for those not listed was going to be necessary.  Knowing he reads this and by me stating who the three employees that are going to be requested to appear will stay hush.  Although, Dick probably knows who two of the three employees are, at least he probably has a good idea, the third one is going to be such a surprise.

It's such a struggle dealing with those feelings that have to be present while trying to get through this situation.  Letting go of those old feelings of admiration, whatever the crazy reason as to why they are still there is confusing, and trying not to to cave in is difficult.  Reminding myself over and over again about what Dick does to his employees out of greed and who he really is helps me to feel stable minded about the situation.

That rapacious feeling inside is not pleasant and wondering how Dick lives every day with personality trait is a mystery.  Personally feeling that way as of late, when I see myself in the mirror it is not attractive and it gives me somewhat of an idea as to how Dick sees himself when he looks in the mirror.  Reminding myself, I am strong, intelligent and beautiful inside helps because in less than two weeks facing my enemies is a big deal.
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