September 20, 2012

Elizabeth's Miscellaneous Topics: #Dealing - which is harsher, human or dogs?

Elizabeth's Miscellaneous Topics: #Dealing - which is harsher, human or dogs?

Later the evening following the above post, Balls had to be put down.  Barry had to tell the Sheriff what happened, since the possibility that the hog may day, as well as, the fact that this was the second known incident.  Things around here, regarding putting down an animal is much more brutal that one would normally be used to.  Mistakenly I had said Balls was an Antonion/Shepard mix, which was corrected in the post, he was actually a Great Pyrenees/German Shepard.  The Shepard in him made him more aggressive, overtaking the Pyrenees side, this was a heartbreaking case.

That same night, now that the evenings are much cooler and the air conditioning isn't running, I heard a coyote barking/howling for the first time.  The other dogs on the farm were chasing them off, new noises to get used to.  A coyote's bark/howl has a much higher pitch than your typical farm/house dog.  Usually Peggy Sue, a smaller dog sense them and is the first to warn, than the other dogs follow suit.  Last night one of the coyotes did something, she ran back yelping.  There is a bigger female dog that recently found her way to the farm after being abandoned   She just has a litter of pups a few weeks ago so usually she does not leave the pups to ward off the coyotes.  After she heard Peggy Sue yelping though, she went crazy, that dog is very protective of the other dogs I have noticed.

Today I am taking anything of importance with me to Barry's, until my divorce is finalized, than the rest of my belongings will be picked up.  Mainly a few items of clothing and the computer, telling Barry last night that having my things sitting at somebody else's residence was unnerving me.  Now if it were a family member or a close enough friend whereas one could feel comfortable leaving their belongings behind, this is not the case in my situation.

Also, like stated in past posts, knowing that there was a good possibility that the NYS Labor Department Appeal board was going to deny my case, a letter was sent notifying them that I wished to bring it before the Third Appellate of the Supreme court.  This time with nine months to prepare my statement, this should give me plenty of time to submit a better argument.  One lawyer said, "good", bringing the case to nonprejudicial source should give a better opportunity for someone on the outside to hear my case.  Upon talking with this same lawyer, when bringing to her attention the fact that the December fifth write up was edited without my acknowledgement, as well as, the fact that the questionable witness was entered as being present during the February sixth hearing, when he was in fact never present in that hearing room, is enough to, hopefully, strengthen my argument.

September 18, 2012

#Dealing - which is harsher, human or dogs?

There has been so many ups and downs here in Alabama since making the move, as well as deciding to settle here.  Trying to get what is needed from the family courts is been somewhat of a pain, they finally found my old custody and support order from '91, now is the wait for them to arrive in the mail.  This last little bit of information is all that is needed in order for me to finish filling out the divorce papers so that they can be sent them out to be signed and filed.

I've been staying with Barry all the time lately, even though most of my belongings are at my original place still.  We get along so well, our personalities are so much alike, yet, our lifestyles are so different.  Farming can be difficult, physically and emotionally.  One of his dogs - Balls, a Great Pyrenees/German Sheppard dog mix, has been attacking and drawing blood of a few hogs lately.  Because of this type of dogs nature the only option is to put him down, since he has had the taste of blood.  Usually this dog is good temperament but because of having other mixed breeds in him, it has to be done.  Trying to find out if there was any other option besides killing the dog, nothing online gave me any other information but to put the dog down since he has tasted blood, everything points to the fact that Balls will probably do this again since he already has done so twice.

Balls has a wonderful personality, a sweet loving dog for such a humongous and powerful animal.  Since a pup, Balls has always been free to roam as a farm dog and the Great Pyrenees/German Shepard breed in him is highly discouraged from being an apartment dog.  This makes the possibility of adoption out of the question, so, anyone who did wish to adopt him would have to have plenty of land for him to roam.  Because this area of Alabama is all farming community, there isn't much else to do.  Hopefully when Balls is put down I'm not around, it is just to heartbreaking to deal with.

If the situation were that Balls killed a chicken instead of a hog, than there are ways of breaking him of that.  One website suggested to tie the chicken the dog kills around the dogs neck, isolate him for five to seven days until the chicken smells, this way the dogs will, hopefully, never go after a chicken again.  Now most will say this is disgusting and cruel, but nature isn't always what a person wishes it to be.  If you let a dog get away with attacking livestock, they could most likely start attacking nearby neighbor's farm animals, then you have a bigger problem on your hands.

July 24, 2012

#LearningToLove - Do we know?

Barry likes it when I text message him these emoticons, he's sweet that way.  Because of being in and out of penitentiaries most of his adult life, Barry is having a difficult time adapting to the outside life. He is very outwardly sensitive, for most men,  this must be difficult for him. Hating to admit it,  sometimes this personality can be wearisome. His self-esteem is quite low,  many times I need to praise him,  he's not accustomed to this type of attention.

The sheriff is possibly testing us, such as seeing how our behaviour will suffice in handling living as struggling , drug and alcohol free,  farmers.  Agreeing and confiding with Barry that this maybe so, he agreed since he knows the Sheriff better than anyone.  By taking Barry`s  transportation and withholding his pay is such an example.

Knowing I love Barry is obvious, although, unsure of either one of us know what  real love is. He has told me about all of his past life,  including life in prison. Including things that Micheal never openly disclosed to me,  hearing it out loud was heartbreaking, regarding the weaker men in who are  institutionalized. A suggestion I'm going to make is that maybe purchasing his own vehicle is an option, this could be a way of making him feel worthwhile as deserved.

Since unable to attend AS meetings,  remembering on a daily basis what I learned helps, Step Twelve and the messages the newcomers gave, reminders of where we came from.

July 01, 2012

#ViciousRumours Ruining a person’s reputation

It has been such a trial,  being able to have a relationship with Barry. Why are there so many busy bodies in this small town,  is what wonder. Now Barry and I,  walking in eggshells, have to keep our personal life quiet.

Why should two,  grown consenting, adults have to keep a legitimate relationship quiet. Except for the ignorance regarding my medical condition, nobody is being hurt, except those who are overly concerned with what Barry and I are doing with our personal lives.

When I told Barry about my condition,  he said that, "I guess I'll have to have it as well." Explaing to him the chanes were very low,  although,  it is so nice to have him love me that much. The Sheriff asked Barry that,  if he was sick on the ground,  would I take care of him. If course I taking care of him is not a problem, as for Barry getting chronically ill with this disease, he has a better chance of being attacked by an alligator while swimming in the Mississippi.

The Sheriff told Barry that if he moved off the farm, he would take the truck from Barry. Monday, moving to a little house out in the woods, being alone means, a need for a dog and a shot gun, for protection.  Agreeing with Barry, it's best not to let anyone know where I'm living is for the best.

A feeling of resentment is more then I can handle, whomever end their mouth off at the Sheriff's wife...needs help.  The woman that blew my personal life out of  proportion must not have a heart. It's difficult to comprehend why anybody would want to put a strain on our relationship, even jeopardise Barry's job .

To make matters worse,  this same person,  also,  told the Sheriff's wife that I was screwing several differant men. Not being the first time having this type of accusation, although, having been told by others occasionally that, "you  seem like the party type," without the person knowing who I am. Apparently, misconception comes in many forms,  not only by the color of one's skin.

Now Barry and I have to sneak around,  as if we are doing something wrong. It appears to be that gossip has a stronger effect on who an individual is, then getting to know who they really are. Making comments in regards to the rumors, wrongfully, risking Barry's employment and my reputation, maybe these "so called Christian women," will rethink their gossip.

Just to be a pisser,  I've been playing this 80a classic song,  "Rumors" by Timex Social Club.

June 29, 2012


Happiness can be taken away or compromised so quickly, love especially. Ignorance is one such way of ruining a person`s security.In this small town, there are, supposedly good Christians, who appear to  feed on judging others. Small towns have very little entertainment,  so what you may see slot of are,  drugs,  alcohol,  gossip and fighting...great combination.

Having a medical condition,  which I am not proud of,  word of it got out and made it back to Barry's employer, the Sheriff of Pickens County.  The Sheriff  owns a farm that feeds inmates at the local jail. Five years ago,  while still incarcerated,  Barry began tending the farm with only two goats. Today, all by himself,  Barry tends to milking twenty-two goats,  caring for thirty-five hogs and collecting eggs from several hens.

Ahmed was always trying to play games with me,  wanting a mistress,  although,  personally tired of that life,  the answer was no. Of course telling Ahmed of my condition,  mainly to try and scare him off, was done. It didn't work though,  Ahmed is educated enogh to know the medical condition is not dangerous. Once Barry and I became closer, Ahmed became jealous and vindictive. One night when drunk,  he opened his big mouth so that it got back to, Nelly,  the biggest gossip.

When Nelly catches wind of something, she runs with it. The information of my condition made its way back to the Sheriff , now he is breathing down Barry's neck. The sheriff told Barry that I couldn't live on the land and that if Barry didn't  like it,  then take his camper and go.

Since this relationship has begun,  there have been so many obstacles. It's difficult to believe that the Sheriff, an educated man of the law, believes what he's telling Barry about my condion is true. Yet , this morning he made Barry get tested anyways. The test would be negative,  it takes a few months for someone to test positive. My condition is hard to catch,  though contagios, unless we start shooting up drugs, there is a very slight chance of Barry catching it. Telling him or was to early to know, sure enough the sheriff found out and told Barry that he had to be retested again in six weeks.

The way Barry loves me is so refreshingly nice. He is sweet to me, doesn't call names or put me down. He has done a lot so that we can be together, in just a short period of time and he's willing to lose his job over this.

Barry agreed  that,  the sheriff might have power in Pickens County,  although only one has more power then anyone and it's up to God how things work out. Whether it's ignorance, control or both on  the sheriff's behalf,  there is still quite a bit of guilt on mine. It feels like the story of Romeo and Juliete.

June 24, 2012


When coming down to Alabama, meeting someone was farthest from my mind. For years, wanting to move South, live back in the country and settle down seemed only a dream. How is it that when all your wishes come true, suddenly, in just a few days can make a person scared is so mysterious. Can to much of a good thing destroy a person.

A few days ago, telling Barry how wishing to be not seen, then maybe life would be easier for me. One day, while watching myself on video, it just did not make any sense, what men see when they look at me.

There is a part that thinks the way Barry loves me, I'm am not worthy of. Much like my life, his has been just as dysfunctional. Fearful of going to him with some issues that have arisen over the past few days, I gave it a go and talked to him about it.

Barry suggested that we save some money and look at some land, my idea was to start with a double wide trailor. Situations have arisen, he want a child, which isn't surprising coming from a forty-five year old, childless man. Next week we are going to move in together, being nervous, yet, God has a plan.

In the past men have loved me, the same way Barry does, although, these same men became overly possessive. Eventually this caused the relationship to end, because both of us being abusive to one another.

Loving Barry is different then how past relationships were in the past. Because it doesn't have to be kept a secret, since Barry is unmarried, it just feels nice. At first, a first thought was, where is that thrill. It occurred to me, this feeling is normal, not a fling, just a good, warm and safe feeling. Always saying how and how he loves me, he doesn't seem to believe that the feeling is mutual. 

June 16, 2012


It can be surprisingly scary and exhilarating how one can trust another, in such a short time. One woman that I've became friends with, Yvonne, thinks giving yourself completely to a man can be danger for a broken heart. She said if your too open, sexually, to a man he will kick a woman to the curb when he tires of her, I beg to differ.

To often, what Yvonne was saying, was the other way around. Being afraid to get too close, I was the one breaking a man's heart. Hurting Berry would be wrong, anyways, I've fallen for him. This frightens me, waiting for the bomb to drop, ending up hurt.

When Berry looks at me, its obvious, that he's falling in love with me. He's not crazy jealous, this is so refreshing. Being as big as he is, built like a football player, yet sweet. In the past, whenever a man would express these same feeling, the first reaction would be to  run with my tail between my legs.

The feeling for Berry is so different, confusing, feeling this way for another is so new. In 1999 when first dating Adel, nerves and excitement before getting together were quite strong.  Yet when Berry and I go out, it just feels nice.

At the age of forty-five, never married and childless, the idea that Berry may be wanting these things now was obvious. Last night that thought was confirmed, he wants children. As for having another child at age forty, I'm not quite sure. A few occasions, mentioning to friends that having a little girl has crossed my mind, most discourage it, say that forty is too old.

As for love, it is promising, I feel safe with Berry. Right now life here in Alabama has been, at times, emotionally difficult. Because we are taking it slow, men see me as being vulnerable. Wishing they would just leave it alone and having to go into bitch mode, it's tiresome.

Sunday, Berry and I are going to church, on his hometown, Gordo, then over to the Mississippi River. Meeting people he grew up with is nerve racking. I'm different from most here, with the unique, eccentric style and then the New York accent. People immediately take a second look when I speak. Most have said my way of speaking is different then those on television, that my way of speaking is a little slower.  After listening to how actors talk on television, it appears they are correct. 

June 08, 2012


Elizabeth's Miscellaneous Topics: New York vs Alabama - The cultural difference
It's scary, all the while, waiting for the worst from this man, Berry. It was obvious that Berry was interested, just by the way he looked at me shortly after my arrival to Pickensville. Most of the men that give that look are players here, it's obvious when their girl is sitting in the car waiting.
Berry, like myself, is a recovering alcoholic. After fishing around to make sire he wasn't married, then hinting my own interest, he asked me out. We were supposed to attend church last Sunday, until he bailed on Saturday.
Berry lives and works on the Pickensville sheriff's farm, tending the goat, chickens and hogs. The goat's milk and eggs are brought to the local jail for the inmates every morning. When a hog is ready, it is brought to a processing plant nearby to be prepared for the inmates.
Last Saturday Berry called to cancel our date, it was fear. He said the sheriff was making him work, I knew better. Later that night after hearing about some things a local gossip mongrel, Nelly had said, my suspicions were confirmed. Nelly had told the town police that I was married, leaving out the part as to how Michael and I separated nineteen years ago, to never reconcile since.
When Berry came later, drunk after being sober for five years, last Saturday night, looking not like himself, I knew better to leave with him in his vehicle. He asked about me being married but explaining to him the situation while intoxicated was somewhat impossible, he kept forgetting my answer.
After Berry and I left in his truck, he backed up and just kept going backwards. Next thing he drove right into a ditch across from where I'm staying, here in Alabama. When it became apparent that Berry might have kept driving backwards, almost flipping the truck over, I told him to stop or we would be laying sideways.
Berry told me to get away from him, before the police came. Grabbing the steering wheel, unhooking the seatbelt and then opening the door, all the while, praying that the movement wouldn't cause the truck to flip, I got out. Just after stepping onto the sidewalk, Jerry, the police pulled up. Giving a look as if to say, move your ass, that is just what I did.
Once composed, I went outside to see what was happening. In Pickensville there are only three on the law enforcement, Faye, Jerry anf the sheriff, whom Berry works for. They took Berry home, pulled his truck out of the ditch and towed it behind the police station.
Afterwards while talking with my sponsor, Jerry came and asked Ahmed if everything was okay and wanted to know if I had been drinking with Berry all day as well. Ahmed told him no, that I only went to take a ride with Berry and came right back after he drove in the ditch.
The next morning the sheriff brought Berry to pick up his truck. Berry must have still been drunk, he wanted to talk to me. Ahmed told him I was still sleeping after being up all night. Later that afternoon Berry called to apologize. Telling him that it was both our fault, plans were made to get together, properly and soberly.
Since then we have talked and gotten to know each other. Liking him a lot but afraid, that guard is still up. Right now trying to start an AA meeting here is a goal. The nearest one is in Mississippi, twenty-two miles from here. It would be good, for so many. With it being a dry county here, rot gut whisky is commonly drunk, causing alcoholism to effect a large portion of those in this small community.

May 27, 2012

New York vs Alabama - The cultural difference

Most people are very laid back here, this means, nobody is in any type of rush.  They actually hate being rushed and will let you know.  It took a few days for me to get the hang if that, all that was needed to do was to just slow down.  It feels good to not feel rushed, seriously, if you think about it, what is the hurry.

As for going organic, this is the place to do it.  Because of the warm climate, it makes sense to have the ability to grow a variety of produce.  Food is taxed here, so farming and fishing at the Mississippi River is as common with the locals as it is with the tourists.  The locals are always selling, at a good price, or simply giving away the fish they caught.

One farmer, Berry, is going to sell me some raw goats milk. He said to be careful, that it is very rich. Meaning, don't drink to much or I'll be running.  Berry also said it gives a person a natural high once it is drunk, I'm excited.  These food items are priced outrageously at farmers markets in New York.  A dozen of fresh, free range, eggs from a local farmer is only $1.49 a dozen here.

One day soon I plan on going to the Mississippi to take some photos.  Nearby from here I've been told that there are some real pretty falls.  It is a mile from here, which would be no problem to walk, if they had sidewalks and it wasn't heading to 100 degrees daily.

Here is a picture of Ahmed's rooster that he bought from Berry. Also check out the dying horsefly...LOL.

May 25, 2012

My journey

It isn't so bad here, maybe I'll stay for a bit, seek employment. Since all expences are paid, why not make the best of it. It does not feel like the other day, I showed up in Alabama after traveling alone for 28 hours on an Amtrak train. Sometimes people tease me a bit about my New York dialect, it does sound funny, the person will try to say cat, for example, in the Yankee accent, accept their southern accent is noticable.

It is interesting learning to remember, when communicating with females, to respond with, yes maam and no maam. Everybody is so relaxed, so cool, and it is refreshing to not hear, to son. Everything here is taxed, including food. Eight percent tax on a tomato, that's crazy, although anybody could of course easily grow their own vegetables. Alabama doesn't have a lottery, although, at all those Arab owned market, you can purchase pull tickets, they are illegal, that are called phone cards in case the police come. The tickets are obtained by UPS from a woman in Alabama. If an individual wins $500 or more, the ticket has to be m.ailed to California so that a check can be mailed.

May 16, 2012


Last night while pondering over yesterday's post, #EqualRightsAreNotSpecialRights, something that may have been a possibility regarding the email to the E.A.P. representative that was linked to in that post.  Now it is a wonder if that email had been used as evidence to obtain the warrant in seizing my computer and blackberry, since it was sent from my blackberry.

That is a thought that would make anybody angry, especially since that right there would be considered a clear case of civil rights abuse.  Any conversation between an employee and an E.A.P. representative is confidential, whether it is in written correspondence or verbally.  Even after the employee leave the place of employment, the representative is bound by law to keep those correspondences private and only the employee has the right to disclose that information.  Unless the conversation is something in nature that would danger the employee or somebody else, such as sexual abuse, murder, etc… not even the law can force or use that information in any way to obtain a warrant.

On another note, if this email was used just because some Sgt. Lacossee had a hard on to get me, he is gone against my civil rights.  This makes a civil suit all that much easier and is their any fear of saying so publicly…NOPE!  Hopefully, the district attorney knows about this blog or is reading it.  At five weeks since the authorities came to my residence, at this point it is so obvious they have nothing.  What are they chances the D.A. is at this point investigating the evidence used to obtain that warrant, ILLEGALLY!

May 08, 2012

#BusterLaw - Animal Rights

Nobody ever said anything when they saw the Knowles smacking his puppy, until one Sunday afternoon while sitting in my bedroom reading a book.  In the courtyard just outside my bedroom window were other entrances to apartments in the surrounding area.  In the court yard came a screaming sound of a puppy and a loud thumping each time the puppy screamed.  Looking out the bedroom window I was able to see the neighbor but could not make out what he was doing.  Witnessing him beating the puppy previously, yes shamefully enough not reporting it prior either, I was positive that was what he was doing, except, this time around it sounded worse.

Back in 1999 while living in Troy, New York, a neighbor of mine, Kelly Knowles, that was always beating his puppy.  The Knowles was attending RPI and had so much to look forward with his life, except, he screwed it up by getting angry with his puppy. 

When something upsetting happens in my presence my entire body begins to shake and my stomach seizes up.  After calling the police and running around the front of the building to meet them and let them into the court yard, it was luck that it was a female officer first at the scene and not the male that followed her.  She immediately saw the puppy's leg was broken and became upset, the male that followed just wanted to write it off but she said no his leg is broken and called animal control.

After giving the officer a blanket to cover the puppy, animal control came and brought the puppy to the veterinarian.  What was learned later on was that the Knowles became angry at the puppy for going to the bathroom on the floor while he was sleeping.  The Knowles had been out all night partying and it was two in the afternoon when he awoke.  Obviously the puppy could not hold it anymore and the Knowles then brought the puppy outside and began to throw the puppy against the wall. 

A year later the District Attorney located and asked me to answer some questions in front of a jury, which I did.  Because they were able to track me down a year later the man pled guilty, the first case tried under the Buster Law, spent some time in jail and was never able to own a puppy again.

From the Free George:
“Joel prosecuted the first ever Buster’s Law case in New York State in 2000, which led to the first person serving jail time for animal abuse under a newly enacted law. The case involved a 24-year-old graduate student at RPI named Kelly Knowles. He broke the leg of an 8-month-old puppy in a fit of anger. He plead guilty and was sentenced under Buster’s Law to six months in jail and a fine of $2,500 and 120 hours of community service at one of the local shelters. The animal was treated for his injuries and adopted by a loving family.”
Having to tell this story because whenever I reflect back on it that old shaking feeling comes back from when it happened.  The jury memebers asked me questions, such as, how did I know he was beating the dog.  Maybe it was a look on my face and had probably started shaking all over again, the same way I shook during the incident.

May 06, 2012


I killed the wabbit!

In this case it was a squirrel.

A few months back I wrote this post about an annoying squirrel that had been living my ceiling, which is also the floor of the apartment bedroom. Lately this little pest was even more annoying then ever. The damage it has done is probably astronomical.

Most people will comment, that includes most of those reading this post, "awe but squirrels are so cute." When you wake up one night, to the smell of smoke, because a squirrel chewed through a wire, leaving it exposed. Next that wire catches fire, then you can talk to me about adorable. The only difference between squirrels, rats and mice are that squirrel crap is bigger.

After seeing a video like the one below, an idea came over me as to how to get rid of this pest. My son told me what the trick was to get a squirrel`s head stuck in a cup. He said it was a peanutbutter trick that he and hIs friends did all the time. You simply put some peanutbutter in the bottom of a cup and the squirrel can't resist, they love peanutbutter.

What I did was took a dixiecup and put a dab of peanutbutter in the bottom of the cup. Next, leaving the cup on my bedroom windowsill, the outside part, two things were possible to happen:

1. The squirrel would get it`s head stuck in the cup, hop around on the roof until it hopped right off into the yard. Then hopefully the stay cat that lives in the yard woud eat it so nobody had to dispose of the dead carcass .

2. The cup would roll off the roof, either from a breeze or when the squirrel knocked it over. The squirrel would hopefully jump down into the yard, get it`s head stuck in the cup, hop around and then the stray cat would pounce on it and eat it.

Well I think it worked because the cup is in the yard, torn in half, it has been peaceful all day. As for the squirrel, I have not seen or heard from it for more then twenty-four hours.

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May 02, 2012


No matter what somebody sends me in an email, especially if it comes from an unknown sender, 97% of the time the email will go directly into the spam/trash folder without ever being read, the other 3% of the time the email might be read but the link will still not be clicked and the sender will not receive a response.

During the beginning of my first semester at HVCC one of the computer courses the instructor spoke on opening unknown links and responding to spam emails.  Already learning my lesson early on in my self teaching of computers this was already a given.  Another thing this same instructor talked about from time to time as well as another one during that same semester was possibly giving Linux a shot.  After getting my hundredth something virus I decided to do just this and after installing Linux literally a few hundred times was happy with the outcome.  After purchasing the last computer while the technician at the chop shop was putting it together and installing the windows drivers I told him not to bother.  The first thing once the computer was setup at home was the hard drive was formatted and Linux was installed.

Having really no real interest in creating a virus just to have my name on the long list of an every day growing list of viruses.  Viruses are created for a variety of reasons, some viruses creators do it in tries of creating the ultimate virus that will get their name known, such as the kid that created the one that took EBay line.  Than their are the ones who do it just to be malicious, want to learn or are trying to rob somebody.

Where my interest in computers lies is making a long term honest living at it and starting a business creating artistic digital business cards recently is just what I found where my real interest lies.  Discovering that this could be done at no cost using Linux, the real love was discovered, art, computers, math and other peoples interests all wrapped into one.  That brings a memory back to the mid nineties when desktop computers were brand new.  At a vocational school I was attending during one class the teacher would have us just sit and move around the computer to get compfortable with it.  Remembering back now, I just loved matipulating the paint, photo and other picture programs.  Today those programs are so much easier, effective and so much more fun to use.

April 23, 2012

Do spiders have feelings?

Last night deciding to move the dresser to see if better reception would come in through the Digital TV Converter box a spider web ended up getting disrupted that was behind the dresser.  Not thinking much of it and finishing with the rearranging, I went downstairs, prepared my dinner and went back upstairs to eat and watch something on television.

45_ac8e96638931292294ef3f13ec5f6402While finishing up with eating my meal and happening to look over at the corner of the bed was this great big spider, just sitting there looking at me and wiggling her front legs.  It appeared as if she was either really pissed or really confused and was asking me why did I disrupt her home.  Being a believer that killing spiders is bad luck I went downstairs and waited until she was gone.  An hour later she was no longer on the bed but it did make me wonder if spiders do have feelings.  The fact that this little lady came up on the edge of my bed, stood there next to me and just stared at me while I was eating dinner and watching TV was quite unnerving.  At the same time it made me feel as if there was another occupant in my home and that we shared the same space, which is okay by both of us as long as we do not disturb one another.

The reason for the superstition of killing spiders as being bad luck is something told to me when I was a teenager.  Spiders kill and eat all types of bugs, this includes the ones that carry disease, such as, flies and mosquitoes.

Being provoked in unhappiness is misconduct

Unable to not be really upset and angry is tough and all the while trying to not feel so irate it will not go away.  Things just do not make sense, especially the way a process work for the unemployment appeal board.  This is an example of how the appeal works:

  1. The employer's representative was able to review the hearing transcript between the dates of  03/12/12 to 03/25/12 one time.
  2. The claimant, meaning me, received a response to review the hearing transcript, one time, from 03/27/12 to 04/11/12
  3. The employer's representative sent in a statement to the Unemployment Appeal board on 04/02/12
  4. I sent statement in on 04/11/12 which is also counted as a response and statement from myself in response to the employer's representative on 04/02/12.  Only one statement and response is allowed per party.
  5. The employer's representative responded to my statement on 04/19/12 because she sent her statement in first it does not count as a response because my statement had not been received prior to her statement..
  6. I cannot respond to the representative's response because I already responded to her 04/02/12 statement and sent in my statement after hers so that means I used up all my chances.
So this means that a individual was dissatisfied with their employer because it is completely legal to hand out false production reports, belittle the employee for the production being low when it was never bad to begin with.  Next the employer is aloud to put them down when the employee finds out that their production is low and that the company is just corrupt.  So an employer is legally aloud to hand out production reports, belittle, put down, lie and perjurer the court, yet, the employee is not aloud to be dissatisfied because this is misconduct.  

Being unhappy at the way your employer is treating you and than saying "FUCK", even though it was not directed at the person, is misconduct because of the timing it all happened.  Now, if I said "FUCK" after tripping over a unsafe keyboard wire, smack my head on the corner of the desk and bleed all over the floor.  Would this also be considered misconduct as well because I was unhappy with my employer for leaving a wire exposed unsafely?

April 20, 2012

The Trick to Digging Up dirt on a person - part 2

Many times it is a wonder as to how I know the things that can be uncovered about a person, probably more so than the person that I discovered a secret about is wondering how it was figured it out.  Facebook is my biggest secret giver, for example, people are always asking if there is a way to tell if a person is looking at your profile.  Really believing that there is a way of knowing who is looking at your Facebook profile just by the way Facebook gives you that "People You May Know" suggestion every time you log into your Facebook Account.  Facebook states that this list is random, yet, whenever logging into Facebook the same two to six people are suggested.  Of the seventy-two friends on my personal Facebook account, why are the same people always suggested according to the fact that they have six friends in common with me.  Of my seventy-two friends, a few of my friends-friends have more than six friends in common, one has fourteen in common with me.

Not being a person who communicates directly a whole lot with other people, face to face or even over the internet.  Always being a loner is one of those things that has just always stayed with me, even as a child, reading books, playing solitaire or doing puzzles alone was done to keep myself busy.  Most of the time other children teased me about my family life or my eye problem so keeping to myself, even today, is a preference.  Getting along with others is not a problem today and most of the time people seem to open right up to me but finding out a long time ago that silently watching a person tells me more about who they are than what somebody may say directly in writing or verbally.

One person in particular is right at the top of that suggestion list every time I log into Facebook and this account I know, for a fact, is what can be called the secret stalker account.  Many people have one, it is an account created on Facebook with a made up email account created in AOL or Gmail so that you can look at those profiles that blocked you or possibly you blocked him/her.  Sometimes the person creates a profile picture but many times they do not upload a profile picture, occasionally the individual that has created this Facebook account might even enter some real or made up personal information.

These stalker accounts can tell as much information about a person, even more so, than the person's real Facebook account.  Once you figure out who owns the bogus account many times they may add friends to the list, this list alone can tell you something about the person.  Who their lover is, possibly some type of fetish or maybe even what employees were fired from their company.  Some may suspect that I am find out things by asking other people or that others are giving me information, this is actually not the case.  The person may not realize that they are giving me this information themselves, just by simply being on Facebook.

April 15, 2012

The Haunted Car

The other day my sister, Anne, was driving and saw this antique car sitting on the side of the road broken down.  Thinking how cool the car looked she snapped a picture of it.  Later on while looking over the picture she noticed something in the back seat of the card.  What do you think it could be, a ghost or is it some type of shadow from the trees behind it?

Photography By Anne Mary Nesbitt

No you you you cannot

You cannot mail a letter to a person asking for money for health insurance that does not exist.

You cannot fake somebodies work.

You cannot make up incidents that never occurred.

You cannot make something that is not a bad thing appear as if it is bad.

You cannot treat people badly just because your name is on a business.

You cannot fire somebody because you "said" they are mentally disturbed.

You cannot tell other employees that another employee is unintelligent, distracted and slow, even if it were true.

You cannot punish someone for exposing the laws that you broke.

April 02, 2012

Digital Business Card everywhere

This one took me about a day to create, it is cute, not sure about but some suggestions are welcomed:

Click to see actual business card

The idea came to me while redoing my last banner, the layout anyways now it's time to work on my next one.  Looking at something in terms of getting the attention of those sports fans is my next project.  My greatest fear is running out of ideas, so far they are flowing one after the other, yet every now and than a mental block grabs a hold of me and it scares me that the ideas will just stop.  The need for more business card samples are needed to post so that site can move to the top of the search engines is important.

Knowing, now, what it feels like when an artist express their unhappiness with their work, it is difficult to ever be really happy with a piece when it is complete.  It never is actually ever complete, such as when Mozart and Picasso never finished their work.  This is because, you, the creator of the work notices every single flaw and will constantly go back to fix it and change it over and over again, leaving you still quite not satisfied with your work.  It is utter and complete torture but when something new comes to mind it helps a great deal in feeling better about the projects being worked on. 

April 01, 2012

Minutes from my unemployment hearing

Here it all is, the minutes from the February 6, 2012 unemployment hearing, scanned and in chronological order.  Copies have been sent to a lawyer to look over and give me feedback on just how to write up the next statement for the appeal board.  Also in dire need of finding out just why the minutes are the way they are taken, the order is just so confusing and being unsure what happened to a few of my statements along with one of the emails that was addressed during the hearing.

Update: here is the minutes compressed down, now they work in an Iframe window:
Now that I have read them over, several times, more information about my writes is known.  Some research told me that one example is that I should have pushed to have Justin and Debbie subpoenaed because those two notes were never addressed to me and cannot be used as evidence.  I was to be warned about behavior problems the first time around, not some hand written note given to the boss.  That is not liable evidence and why nobody told me about them in the first place, way back in January on the telephone during my first phone interview, makes them seem even more suspicious.  Of course not knowing my writes in the first place just made it that much easier for them to make me look guilty by submitting new evidence that was never shown to me in the first place.

March 30, 2012

#WeirdFactAboutMe - I can swallow my tongue

Well not really but it appears as if it is being done because the frenulum lingual frenulum under my tongue is missing.  What is a frenulum you ask?  It is the membrane, a thin tissue, under you tongue that holds your tongue to the bottom of your mouth.  At about the age of four years, wanting to see if I could touch my tonsils and becoming obsessed with trying to accomplish that ended in the tearing of my frenulum, which was very painful.  So now today the frenulum under my tongue is gone enabling me to stick my tongue all the way back in my mouth making it appear as if there is no tongue at all, want to see?

So there you have it, it appears as if I am swallowing my tongue but really all that is happening is the tongue is in the back of my throat so you cannot see it, pretty cool huh?

March 26, 2012

Just What are New York State Funded Contractors all about?

Cuomo Limits State Money for Salaries of Contractors

What this means is that when a company is contracted through New York State, they are required to provide health insurance and occasionally other state like benefits, just like any other company that hires employees through government contracts.  One such company that New Yorkers may be familiar with is Health Research Inc (HRI).  That means these contractors, like FT for example, is given a certain amount of money that goes towards "Health Insurance" premiums and well "earned raises" for employees.

This does not mean the money is to be used to pay for monthly employee function, raffle gifts and extravagant Christmas parties.  When a company is doing these things, that does not necessarily mean the business is doing something good.  If a company thinks they are pleasing an employee over watching the Smurfs in 3D in theaters or watching a Fire Engine run over a mound of gas soaked dirt, think again.  In life there are much more important things, such as, having coverage for you and your family, a decent pair of glasses so that, you as an individual, can productively work, as well as, dental work for self confidence.

If a company is blatantly terminating individuals over the simple fact that they are opting into the health coverage plan that is offered, especially a company that is funded to provide this service, than something is seriously wrong.  What makes that worse is when a company is creates bearings so that it may appear that an employee ineligible for unemployment insurance to keep costs down.  In my opinion, this could be considered a corrupt company and makes the entire system look bad as well.  

Lets take a look at when this same corporation hires a new employee, whom is also on public assistance, only to discharge them shortly after the employee is no longer eligible for assistance and starts considering getting health insurance. Now that same employer turns around and has the last employee they just discharged replaced with somebody who was in the same boat as they were, only to do the same thing again and the circle begins.  We are in a state of terrible economic failure, yet, companies like FT are discharging their workers for possibly not very legitimate reasons for profit.  Another way of looking at this technique could be considered a legalized version of welfare and tax fraud.  The government will throw one individual in jail for stealing thousands of dollars from the welfare system but allow a corporation to hire and fire employees on public assistance for profitable gain because in the United States we have what is called "at will employment".

Agreeably, hiring individuals with disabilities does help them gain courage and takes a strain off the system.  What most people do not realize though is that companies that do hire people who are receiving some type of public assistance and SSI receive certain amount of a tax break.  One such example is called "Financial Incentives for Hiring People with Disabilities". 
As for Obama's health plan, I am all for it.  This could potentially mean health laws will tighten the reins on a system that is run like this, forcing companies like FT to allow their employees to have the well deserved benefits.  New York State has somewhat of that system Obama is pushing for.  Obama's plan is very beneficial, not to mention the jobs it will create.  An example of Obama's plan is that companies with fifty plus employees will have to provide health insurance, and if an employee receive medicaid than the employer has to pay $2,000 .
Somewhere down the line the system is paying out of pocket, if it is Social Security, Welfare or the IRS.  So if you go into a job to better your life, take a strain off the welfare system and try to accomplished something in your life, only to be fired, where is the good in that?   Does this really help our money problems in America by throwing people back into the welfare system just so they can afford to have an all expense paid trip to the Great Escape?

March 25, 2012

#WhatImCurrentlyDoing - Starting a business of my own

If I am so intelligent, why do I feel so ignorant? Over the past week while working on creating Elizabeth's Digital Business Cards business website, those doubts sneak in on occasion, will I be able to do this, can it work and who might be interested in digital business cards keeps whirling around in my head. hERE is version three of the website that has been banner created by me:
Elizabeth's Digital Business Cards Banner
This is impressive for somebody who has never created an animated gif image ever in their entire life, than simply sits down reads some quick instructions and than figures the rest out for themselves just by playing around.  So why does it feel like I am not very smart, thirty-nine years old, broke, can't keep a job even when the last time around I actually really tried.

This new idea of mine is creating Digital Business Cards with icons that are clickable to your FaceBook page, website and sending emails.  Giving up is going to be tough fight, something always done in the past because it was just to difficult to keep doing.  Although, some of the business cards are quite slick and taking a look at them is a reminder of what could be possibly successful.  Here is the one for Elizabeth's Digital Business Card website:

The icons are all hyperlink ready, try one, they will bring the user directly to each of the social networks and website.  A couple of people were impressed with the idea, one friend of mine, before an AA meeting last week, mentioned how she couldn't stop thinking about the Digital Business Card idea throughout half of the meeting.  That helped give with some encouragement that it just might work and be profitable.  Creating the digital business cards also allows me to put into use all of those things that I enjoy doing, math, computers, art and writing.

March 24, 2012

Are employers offering health insurance treating those employees that opt in fairly?

I worked for a company that offered health insurance and because the company ran solely on state based contracts the owner did not have much of a choice on how the insurance premiums were offered. Did he treat those employees fairly when they opted into the company health insurance?

Two weeks after my health insurance kicked I was moved to another officer for having low production. Knowing how I worked and the amount of work that was given to me and produced daily, I knew this was false. The managers and owner would do things to make that employee look bad, fake their production, get them written up for the company rules that were more than easy to break. Some of the company rules were as follows:

  • No talking while working, it is all about production.
  • No cell phones on your person while in the office, because of confidentiality rules.
  • No crocks, somebody at one time had bad foot odour so they made a rule, no open toe or heel shoes.  This wasn't a safety issue either since dress shoes were just fine, just nothing with open toe or heel.

Who were usually reprimanded for these rules?  The ones who either opted into the health insurance or the ones that applied for worker's compensation.  If they did not break these rules than suddenly they were demoted from being a manager because their production dropped or their production just was low.

If an employee was written up three times for talking you were terminated and than you had to fight unemployment insurance benefits. The company actually wrote me up one time for asking the guy if he owned a pet skunk. They claimed I was accusing him of having bad body odour, when in fact, he smelled like marijuana. After notifying the supervisors and the owner in detailed writing of the incident, date and time, the employee still smelled of marijuana, was never investigated and I was written up.

Is Employer-Based Health Insurance Worth Saving?

The second time I was written up was after they gave me a bad production report, for the third time, after I spoke with the owner and notified him in writing that the report was wrong. It was obvious the production report was wrong, especially since my educational background in excel and Mathematics rose a red flag. The way the production report was presented to me was clearly falsified not just a common accident in how the Mathematics and formulas were entered into the spreadsheet.  I talked with the manager and jokingly said don't "F" with smart people and than he laughed and walked away.  Finally after confronting the owner about the accusation of my production being low at the other office when I found out why it was made to look low and that I did not get a raise because of this he terminated me.  The reason being because I made a comment in an email that after working hard and not getting recognised for it that "F" it feeling of not wanting to come to work was getting to strong.

Being an employee that only called in once and left early twice in the entire nine months I was employed there, my "behaviour problems and production problems" did not begin until two weeks after my health insurance kicked in.  When I sat down at actually looked at how my production was given to me I noticed that on the days that my expectations were higher the percentage of each mathematical errors where higher. 

Is this fairness?  Who is really suffering?  What can a single adult or an adult with children that makes to much money to be eligible for Medicaid do? Read why companies are upset with health insurance premiums and who do you think is suffering the most from this type of fraud, the employees or our economy?  A question worth asking my last employer would be: Who deserves health insurance the most, his children or his employees children?

March 22, 2012

Starting my business with $10 and a dream!

This past weekend after doing some fiddling around in I accidentally created a Hyperlink friendly Digital Business Card.  Originally the business card was going to be created like any other ordinary business card so that it could be shared, emailed and previewed on my blogs.  Than this thought occurred to me, why not create a business card that allows users to visit my website by clicking on an icon.  This came to me after typing in my email address and clicking enter, as some of you may know when you do this in Microsoft Word, upon hitting the enter key it automatically creates a hyperlink.

After some research there are already, digital online business cards, except they are exactly like the business card that companies hand out.  The only difference is that they are shared from computer to computer with nothing special about them.  So for ten bucks I bought my first URL,, now know as Elizabeth's Digital Business Cards.  Why not give it a shot, it doesn't cost me any more than the ten bucks spent for the URL, everything else is free since the knowledge of using computers, pirate free, was self taught over the years.

This gives me the opportunity to use all of my skills in one shot, designing, mathematics and computers.  Of course it is scary but than again, what is there to lose but only ten whole dollars.  The night before last I sat down and taught myself how to create my first banner using Gimp.  It took just over a day but it is complete, check it out:

Elizabeth's Digital Business Cards
My Updated Banner - V.2

It of course isn't not quite complete yet, the only thing that is not one of my best skills is advertising campaign slogans.  When people see that banner it is suppose to give them an idea of what is being sold but I am unsure if it is clear to them.  This is because it's my idea and most of the time speaking in my computer language is confusing to others.  On just blurting out something about computer code people will look at me strangely, as if to say, what?  Of course than you get the jerks that try to say I'm crazy because they do not understand what is being said.  Why they do this is still somewhat unclear, is it that a person thinks what is being said makes absolutely no sense to them and that is considered mentally insane or are they just being jerks.

March 12, 2012


Okay, I will admit that is a really cheesy blog post logo but being in the mood of being a obnoxious cornball today just cannot be helped.  Having that feeling of bitterness for weeks now, it is well deserved so corny be it.

A few of you may think that sneaky message, this past Sunday, was strange.  Trust me, not only did I do myself a favor but one was done for you as well.  Let's just say it was my congratulation present to employee of the week.   Well, actually I fucked up a little so it was owed to you for my big mouth.   Take it from an expert, social networks can really mess things up in an individuals life if the correct caution is not taken.

This post is vague because the evidence because the material obtained needs to be secured.  Google's new Google Cloud has a lot to do with what I was able to get.  Google Cloud allows you to print a web page to Google Docs for future reference...awesome.

Somebody on Facebook private messaged me and called me a puta not long after the ordeal.  Although, hating to admit it, being called a bitch in Spanish is somewhat of a complement.  Now I almost feel like a real life journalist.  If its who I think it is, and the chances it is chu.u.u., that means I've gotten under his skin.

The anonymous commentor in this March third post suggested letting things go.  If stalking the FT Facebook page hadn't been put into motion, this little piece of juicy evidence wouldn't have been discovered.  The lawyer at legal aid also can be thanked for that as well.  If the lawyer hadn't asked me if anybody else at FT was ever written up for using inappropriate language at FT and got away with it, this tidbit could have possibly gone unnoticed.

February 29, 2012

Ever wonder what makes a person who does bad things tick?

Here is something for everybody to check out, can you guess what this letter is for?

Anybody who might have been following my posts since the beginning or has at least read back enough to get an idea also may know Dick personally.  Those who have known Dick long enough has possibly been been the target of Dick's ridicule and other variety of unprofessional attacks at FT, whether you are an employee at FT now or was in the past.  You must also know that if he does know about this Blog, he is mad, but because I never used his real name or company name not much can be done about it.  Lets say the media got their hands on a criminal record of Dick's and printed it in a newspaper or even a news blog using Dick's real information, including the name of the company Dick owns, there would not be to much he could do about it legally unless it was untrue.

What sucks is the fact that he was aloud to, possibly,  an email that was sent to either him or Lori, the Employee Assistant Program Representative at the time of my employment at FT, and pass it along as an inappropriate email sent to a coworker.  In fact the email was me reporting serious issues to Dick and Lori about things going on in the office.  What's even amazing is that the Administrative Law Judge (ALJ) had to know this wasn't an email to a coworker because of the fact that:

  1. The ALJ never showed me an email that was supposedly one that I had sent to a coworker and never asked me questions, such as, why did you sent this email to this coworker.
  2. When the ALJ asking questions during the hearing, he kept sticking the hand written notes under my nose, which I never saw while employed at FT, and asking questions, such as, what where you thinking when this happened.  

Maybe I am wrong and this isn't what happened, but what else could this mean according to the determination sent after the unemployment hearing:

When the ALJ did ask me about the hand written notes from the FT managers, he never even made reference towards the notes from the managers as being notes from the managers but always as "this".  That probably also explains why the ALJ and Dick kept acting funny whenever reference was made on my part as to the notes being notes.  Also, whenever I used the full names of the people the notes were referencing to, that really seemed to bug Dick.  Dick would sit up straight whenever I said things in terms as, "I do not know how I could have said anything to JM all day since he did not sit near me" and "Maybe when passing JM on my break I told him a corny joke".

Here is what some of the notes say that were never shown to me until the day I went to the Unemployment hearing office to look at them:

Marijuana Email - This one was sent to Lori
Raise Email - To Dick
Off The Record -  To Dick
Don't Fuck With Smart People - To Dick
Rant Time - Dick
Fuck-it Email, The email the got me discharged - To Dick

To view the production reports - CLICK HERE
Remake of production report by me that really made Dick mad!

The point is, nothing seemed to make sense at that hearing, the comment about the Marijuana Email that Dick made at the end of the hearing, the notes that I never saw until the hearing and the above determination.  My only other thought is that they are saying the Marijuana Email is the one sent to a coworker when in actuality it was sent to the E.A.P.

P.S.  I did notice that Dick chose an employee of the week who probably really did deserve it fair and square.  Hopefully this is from Dick's heart and not his ego being hurt from my February 27, 2012 post. 

February 28, 2012


There are so many different fights in this world for what is right and what is wrong.  Who is the one to put up a fight is the decision that is so difficult to face, sometimes others will try to discourage you from fighting for the right of others, the decision as to what you want to do should come from within yourself and not the opinions of others.

Today was the first day back at work after being out for two and a half months now. This job is only for a couple of days yet I am very grateful for it. It is something, that is better than nothing.  Working in an office setting again brought back memories of it should be at work. Being unhappy and terrified every day is not a normal setting, office or not. It is going to take a little while for me to come around, although it felt good to text on my phone while working. Once while texting a permanent employee just glanced at me, I was sure that I was in trouble for a second.

Forgetting that a place of employment should be enjoyable, not a death sentence, it felt good to smile and chat while working. There is nothing wrong with it and nobody should have to be afraid of being happy or fear of being written up for laughing just a little to loud on occasion.

As for the this post here in regards to issues that Dick did when it came to favouritism as per disabilities, as well as some other issues that should be serially looked into  when it comes to employee fairness may have seemed harsh.  Some may even say possibly  that it sounded mean but how can something like that be put lightly without having to be so blunt is a tough question.  The point of that post was that everybody should be treated equally, whether they are a six foot three inch tall black man or a five foot four inch white woman with a mental disability.  So if anybody is offended, I am truly sorry you feel that way but I am not sorry about what was said in that post and am glad that it was written, no matter how it had to come out.

There were times it felt as if everybody were either a fool or were just afraid to speak out loud when it came to the issue as to who should get any kind of an award at FT.  If it was the same white woman that got an employee of the week award every week, somebody would ask why and nobody would feel offended by that question.  Because of the sensitivity of the topic as to who with what disability should be chosen for an award, that is what was tough.  We are always preaching about the rights of others, so now lets practice it.

February 27, 2012

#IamGratefulFor - Knowing how to survive

Survival is amazing the way every living thing learns how to survive to its surrounding, plants and animals.

Having to struggle all of my life learning how to survive became essential to me, whether it was for food, housing or simply a way to get from one place to another, it has been figured it out on my own and have always been able survive using natural instincts.  Intelligence has played a big hand in how my survive skills come into pay as well and that is just having the knowledge of knowing how to take a few dollars and make it stretch.

This blog is one source of income, even if it isn't much money it is something earned whenever so many visitors view one of my three blogs or click on a Google Advertisement.  Other things that people may ask of me is to fix their computer or clean their house for a few bucks and I will when things are tight.  Over the weekend a friend called and asked me to fix their PC because they had a virus, it was an easy twenty bucks.

Earlier in the afternoon today a temporary agency that I worked for before working for FT called me with an assignment, being very short term and not a great amount per hour, the gratefulness for having something is what counts until things pull through fincially.  After they called I had to get the ball rolling, wash clothes, pick up something to eat for lunch and buy a bus pass, all with that twenty dollars earned from fixing a computer over the weekend.  That is where those knowing how to get through a tough time comes in just simply knowing how to make twenty dollars spend as if it were thirty.

Most people from upstate New York, Massachuttes and Vermont know about Price Chopper's fuel advantage, upstate New York that fuel advantage savings can be used towards the price of a CDTA bus pass.  Every ten cents off for a gallon of gas is two dollars off for a bus pass until the gas savings reaches two dollars off per gallon.  That is a total of forty dollars off a bus pass meaning a fifty five dollar bus pass will cost you fifteen dollars.  In my case since there was only sixty cents off per gallon of gas (twelve dollars off a bus pass) and having limited money the only option was to buy a ten ride pass for thirteen dollars, which actually cost me only one dollar.  For twenty dollars I bought, a pound of coffee, two bags of salad shrimp, a bag of rice and washed three loads of laundry.  Of course that did not include drying the laundry, it was either the coffee or dry my clothes but at least my apartment smells quite nice at the moment from the Downy.

After arriving home and hanging the clean wet clothes around the apartment, I went into my email and began filling out the forms needed for the two thousand twelve tax information and direct deposit forms needed by the temporary agency.  Upon getting to the direct deposit forms, needing my account information, I proceded to log into the MyGreenDot  website to retrieve the routing and account number so that the agency could do direct deposit.  Talk about things happening in threes, there was my money from Google for my blogs, talk about being happy!

So things are okay right now, of course money is still tight, although, being grateful for knowing how to survive is such a big factor in my daily routine.  It sucks having to go through this struggling all over again, not something that was on my personal agenda.  All I really wanted was just to work, earn an income and sure move ahead in my career.  All of that was taken away for some unclear reason, but God has a plan.  There is a reason for everything though and putting up a fight with the unemployment might just be that nitch needed to get ahead.

Being tired of watching people get screwed over and over again because they do not feel like putting up a fight for the right thing.  That is also the same thing I have been doing my entire life, just letting people walk over me because of their own greed and selfishness.  Maybe this fight will take a few years but it is my fight for now and giving up is not an option.  After working as hard as I did for the last nine months, some guy in a suit isn't going to take that away from me so they can have money to add to their "Dick is wonderful" fund.

February 25, 2012


Yesterday after waking up from only sleeping for five hours, it was an intuition that consumed me while sleeping the night before and would not leave.  Tossing the fight to sleep a little while longer yesterday morning out the window, coming downstairs and making those important phone calls was the only option left.  The news was not good, nothing was going my way and all the emotions bottled up inside just came pouring out and most of the day was a day of tears.  Last night after going to a couple of meetings and feeling better afterwards, it was still tough getting a good night sleep, those worries are making the feelings of H.A.L.T. tough.

Food is of little interest these past few weeks, it's more of a survival thing than hunger, agitation and worry has taken away my appetite.  Friends and family are worried about the sudden weight loss because most of my friends are used to me heavier and my family hasn't seen me at this size since my teenage years.  Some are afraid that there is no food in my house, although there is plenty of food in the refrigerator, there is very little personal hunger.  

Many of my days are spend alone in my home, with my son living on his own and no interest of being in a relationship, just sitting for days without conversation is overpowering me.  Knowing that going out is good for me, even if it is just for a good brisk walk or attending to an AA meeting, it does help a great deal.  The gentleman who took me and two other females to the AA meetings is falling head over heals for me, yet being twenty-nine years my senior and in poor health, it is just something that is not of my best interest to pursue.  The thought of being lonely and heart broken in a few short years is just another feeling that I do not want to deal with. 

The anger is the worst of the four emotions in H.A.L.T., I know how to survive from years of experience and struggle but why should there have to be such a struggle is all I keep asking my higher power.  The question asked repeatedly is, why GOD is this happening again, isn't it supposed to be something done that was wrong, such as, missing to much work, coming in late excessively or really being violent and threatening the way that note said I was on December 5th.  Sometimes the what ifs start, what if I did not opt into the health insurance, what if I did not express my feelings to Dick, what if Dick was not such a jack off.  Reminding myself that it probably would not have mattered, this all began back in late July, before the trip to the Great Escape, the what ifs would probably have not changed who Dick really is.   Wishing Adel would hurry back to America, it feels like things will be okay when he gets here and hopefully he will let me work part time, even though that is more than a month away.

Knowing what has to be done to overcome the anger is one thing, doing just that is another.  The job search is tough, mainly because of the fact  there is no money for a bus pass, the only options is to walk and put on my dress shoes at the door of the interview.  There are those days that just screaming and punching at the air seem to be the only thing I can do, nothing else will change what happened.

February 23, 2012

#MakesMeSMH - Incidents at work

Going to work at FT became more of a chore on what dramatic incident was going to happen than actually the work itself.  The work at FT wasn't an issue or even difficult to do, all it entailed was putting in headphones, typing alpha-numeric at the RV office then eventually when they moved me down to Menands typing numbers for eight plus hours a day.

One of the rules in the FT employee handbook that is the biggest issue at FT would be talking about things that happened at FT outside of FT, not the work related thing either but what actually happened at FT.  Do not talk about other employees or anything that happens at FT to anybody else, this would get you fired on the spot if ever caught doing such a thing.  There is a reason for this and it has nothing to do with confidentiality when it comes to the HIPPA laws because of the sensitive material that people dealt with.  It was a whole other issue, Dick did not want people to start finding out what was going on behind those walls and forcing employees to sign a contract is one way of him trying to stop it.

This one male employee, Matt, told me that he was written up for telling somebody, who wasn't even a FT employee, outside of the RV building one evening while waiting for his bus to get home on how to go about getting a 55B with the state.  The next day Matt said they wrote him up because of some weird thing, it can be guaranteed that they did not put on that write up, because you were standing outside of work after work hours talking about a 55B with a non employee.  I thought it was an odd reason to write somebody up and did not even believe him when he told that story.  It did not even sound like a legal or legitimate reason to write somebody up, sounded bizarre, but now I believe him.   Of course now they have this crazy write up in his personal file, low and behold, when the day they need it for something to use against Matt that write up will appear along with a separate note about something that probably never even happened.

While at the RV office, during the last few weeks things would get really strange and all that could be done was try to ignore the craziness.  There were days that I knew something was going to happen, this was usually a day or two before such an incident occurred.  The way other employees and managers were acting around me was the biggest indication that some weird plot was being planned.  I know it sounds strange, outlandish and a few of these tails are going to give readers different impressions of me and the employees at FT.  What does it matter at this point now anyways, it's not as if the reason for me writing this is to get some kind of money from a lawsuit.  A lawsuit hasn't even been put into motion if there is such a thing as one over these incidents at FT.  The idea of telling this story is that if something odd happens again at FT, the chances of that are pretty good, and an employee comes forward with something similarly strange, not necessarily the same one as mine but a crazy enough as to where somebody will look into it.

To end this post, here is one of the many crazy things that happened while I was still working at the RV office:

On the day after Columbus day the RV building had reset their electricity causing everything to shut down for about thirty seconds.  After the lights went out and came back on, one of the managers, Mick, came out and told everybody to sit tight, Mick next told everybody to shut down our computers while they rebooted the servers.  After about ten minutes of waiting for the servers to reboot I made a comment about wanting to go to the restroom.  Rachel, the manager that sat behind me, yelled out, "Don't hide out!"  My comment was, "What do you mean don't hide out?" Where am I going to hide out?"  I than made a joke of it and said something about standing on the toilet so that nobody could see my feet under the door.  Although Rachel's comment did bother me a great deal while leaving and coming back I made a point of letting everybody know my presence.

After the servers booted up, upon opening up my work and starting where I had left off, on number six hundred something out of seven hundred fifty documents.  Although, each time I tried to enter the information into a document and try to go to the next document an error would pop-up that it could not be saved.  Britney, the other manager, came down the isle and told everybody to go to lunch early and the documents should then work when we came back.  Swiping out, getting my money and going to the nearby cafe for some food when I came back to eat in the break-room, everybody was working.  None of the other employees had left for lunch except for myself and one other woman who sat nearby.

Thinking to myself that it was rather strange to have, besides just me, only one other person go to lunch and nobody else, going to Rachel I told her since only being gone for fifteen minutes it made more sense to save the lunch for my usual twelve thirty.  Instead using that fifteen minutes for my second break and just not taking my afternoon break, swiping back in and going back to work only gave the same error.  Deciding to just restart everything, all the work was gone, as if none of it was ever done.  Turning around to Rachel behind me and letting her know what happened, Rachel just told me to start over.  Instead of it taking me an hour and a half to index seven hundred fifty documents, in one box, it took me three hours to finish that box that day.  Later that afternoon after finishing that box and starting a new one, I went to use the restroom.  On my way back to the work area to finish indexing the IT Tech guy stepped in front of me, got into my face and gave me a dirty look.

To this very day, what ever the reason for that entire situation is still unclear, mainly because nobody tells you what is going on.  The managers just do odd things to you, than accuse you of being paranoid.  It should be assumed then that Dick hires only employees that are paranoid because it seems as if every one of the employees at FT are paranoid and all of this is just in their minds.

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